Winning vs. Progress: What Brings You More Joy?

I was absolutely thrilled to win my local Riding Club dressage test on Sunday! Badger was an absolute star – immaculately behaved, calm, and focused.

But…if I’m honest, our test felt a little wobbly and messy to me.

So yes, I walked away with a lovely red rosette (which is always a treat!), but deep down, I wasn’t totally satisfied with how we performed.

Back to the Arena

Fast forward to Monday night, and I decided to hire the arena for a little solo schooling session. No pressure, no judges, just me and Badger doing our thing. And you know what? He felt amazing! Maybe I rode with more purpose, maybe I relaxed more, but whatever it was, we had a gorgeous session and were totally in sync.

Suddenly, everything clicked. Badger was straighter, we had smoother transitions, he was forward and moving freely. I found myself grinning like an idiot and even laughing out loud – that felt like a win in itself!

What Really Feels Like Success?

It got me thinking…do I get more joy from winning, or from that deep internal sense of progress?

In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), there’s this idea of internal vs. external reference. Some of us measure success by comparing ourselves to others (external reference) – winning prizes, getting recognition, hitting external goals. Others rely on an internal gauge – that feeling of knowing we’re improving, regardless of outside validation.

For me? I think I’m a bit of both. I love a shiny rosette (who doesn’t?!), but the real joy comes from knowing that Badger and I are improving together, being able to feel our bond growing stronger and seeing this reflected in our work . And if I had to choose, I’d say I lean more towards internal reference.

What about you? Do you feel most successful when others recognise your achievements, or when you just know you’ve nailed it? I’d love to hear your thoughts!